Dear God,
Is there any correlation with how many of these mass-produced plastic reminders are displayed in my lawn and how many times I'll be bitch-slapped at the pearly gates? Does my desire to go on a vigilante reconnaissance mission through my town, capturing these figurines and accumulating them in sacrificial burn pile, come from you or the spirits below? Can't imagine it's very flattering for you to have these misinterpretations mass-manufactured and distributed at the lowest obtainable price.
Until further notice, repositioning the sheep as sexually explicit as possible will satisfy,
Kyle in Wisconsin, Age 22
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