Swine Flu

Dear God,
Is swine flu a repercussion of partying too much on spring break? Really perplexed. Have you found a carrier to get it back to the US yet? Was swine flu on the Arc with Noah, or did you craft it in your secret Jesus science lab deep in the fiery core of the earth? Did you invent swine flu to be the downfall of Twitter? 140 characters seems just enough for the average post modern intellectual to string together a witty jab and flood the internet with bad puns.

Hiding in the safe room,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

Fat Free Eucharists

Dear God,
Thank you for keeping up with the times and blessing our world with a revised version of your original eucharists. Can't emphasize how much of a sacrifice it was to woof down the prior version, .05g of fat and all. Will there be future advancements in the Christian diet? Could you create a 30 day meal plan one could order by mail via a series of compelling television ads?

.01g healthier,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

International Congress of Churches & Ministers

Dear God,
Is this really how intense you are?
Intense Intro Video to Website That Will Melt Your Soul

Honestly, had no idea. Lightning, twirling battle batons, columns, scepters!? Am I inquiring of spiritual engagement or trying to get to level 3 in spiritual pinball? Oh so intense. After watching this nearly 15 times my and wiping the blood from my eyes I'm thoroughly frightened of the International Congress of Churches & Ministers. Somehow the thought of so many followers aligned behind an epic movie thriller marketing plot really doesn't hold up that well.

Dreaming of lightning and James Earl Jones,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 23