Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Road to the World Cup

Dear God,
With World Cup fever at an all-time high, what is your opinion of this ordeal? Does this competition of nations impress your eye? Do you scoff at the levels of commitment we can show to an 11 man team and not your plans? Does this elaborate tournament setup please you with all of its human intricacies? Would it please you to see a Church building half the size of the smallest World Cup South Africa stadium? Did you put the world cup in South Africa to help stabilize their economy? Will the referees be sacrificed when the cup is over?

On a more serious note - were you rooting for North Korea or Brazil? Did you see that man from North Korea cry? Is he still alive?

Kicking and screaming,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 24

Sunday, March 21, 2010

March Metaphor Madness

Dear God,
Are you as excited for March Madness as everyone down here? Does this fine display of athleticism make you proud of your creations? How do you feel about the open competition of religious and secular universities? Do you cheer for one or the other?

On a different and more pressing note: how do you feel about cheesy sports metaphors in spiritual context? Is this tacky? Is this proper updating and contextualization of your message to reach a broader audience? It's a re-occuring pattern on God's mail to un-earth bad sports metaphor after bad sports metaphor with simple search engine results - one could assume this may get on your nerves?

Hoping for a St. Marys victory as well,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 24

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Holy Yoga

Dear God,
Have you really sanctioned Yoga as "holy?" Can this be? Do you support the Christian marauding of an Ancient Hindu tradition? This all feels very strange. Is this just a miscommunication?

How about those photos? I'm all about your wonderful creations looking their best but these seem a bit idyllic. There's a strange mixed message that I'm not quite following here. Is Holy Yoga the secret to making beautiful human beings on earth?

Is it essential that I wear tight clothes to praise you with Holy Yoga?

Covering my body entirely in crucifix wristbands,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 24

Sunday, February 7, 2010


Dear God,
Do you watch the superbowl? Do you enjoy the ads? Does it warm you that it happens on a Sunday and brings people together? Does the competition of your high grade creations bring a smile to your face?

Knowing what you know - are you betting on anyone?

In it for the snacks,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 24

Friday, December 25, 2009

Pope Down!

Dear God,
What happened with your security force yesterday? Someone breached the Pope's entourage and injured a cardinal on Christmas Eve. According to news reports the enthusiast was just "trying to get close to the Pope" and these things happen often. Is this comparable to streaking at a national baseball game?

Do you appreciate this raw enthusiasm? What are your plans for this Pope-enthusiast who broke the rules?

Amazed and confused,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 24

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Dear God,
Were you behind Y2K? Was that a test? What was that? Assuming it wasn't just a plot to get everyone to stockpile Slim Jims, Y2K was a looming pandemic of technological hysteria that cast a strange worldly gloom. Did you know you ruined a lot of New Years parties? Was it something we did? Was it the exponential rate at which we willingly gave control of our minds to robots? Was it our carbon footprint?

Glad that's water under the bridge,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 24

Seasonal cheer to Michael in Illinois for the referral.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Working in Mysterious Ways

Dear God,
It's been said that you "sometimes work in mysterious ways," but this seems a bit much. Was this something that you didn't detect as the angels in charge of manufacturing dogs slid this under the radar and out the gates? It's very perplexing. Perhaps beyond our comprehension? Does this mean humor has a place in the world?

The real question here is what has this revelation done for the world? Have people been inspired by this sighting? Does your image trump its displayed location?

Still wondering if Jesus was really caucasian and clean shaven,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 24

Many thanks to Steve in Illinois for the sighting.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Black Friday

Dear God,
Do you cringe when we bust down doors the day after Thanksgiving to ravage American retail at bargain prices? Does this nullify our previous days praise for all that is good in the world? Or is this all a chaotic way of saving a few more dollars to put towards your glory? Does it please you that people have given their lives to get their loved ones an Xbox 360?

With Holiday hype at an all-time high - it appears Best Buy is branching out to accommodate other religions as they roll out their black friday ad. Their "Happy Eid al-Adha" bubble blatantly panders to the Muslim faith while they push "Angels & Demons" Blu-Ray release across the spread. How do you feel about this?

Possibly flying under the radar to purchase a Nintendo Wii,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 24

Friday, October 23, 2009

Watching You

Dear God,
How often would you say you are ACTUALLY watching? The whole time? 90% of the time? Do you transcend time? Do you watch me go to the bathroom? Do you watch other planets? Were you watching the dinosaurs? Are you watching everyone get H1N1?

Watching back,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 24

This post featured a guest observation from Mark in Illinois.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The Painter of Light

Dear God,
Do you appreciate the painter of light? Are the walls of your paradise lined with the sensational scenes of Mr. Thomas Kinkade? Is something this beautiful bringing glory to your kingdom, or does the mass replication of such beauty deteriorating its quality? What is your stance on art? Is it all vanity?

Does this style perpetuate the sensational aesthetics common in Caucasian Lutheran congregations common rooms? Does it please you when people labor hours over wooden crates to transport their Kinkade collections from estate to estate?

Praying for a Kinkade mustache,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 24

Saturday, September 19, 2009


Dear God,
Was Twitter a gift? Do you appreciate that humans are trying to communicate via pointed 140 character messages? Or is this degrading the wonderful gift of communication you've blessed us with? Is it flattering that we can develop these technologies so fast? Will you accept prayers in the format of Tweets? Are you tweeps with Satan or did you block him?

Would you consider shortening the commandments in order to Tweet better? @commandment8: Is re-tweeting a violation of your premise?

Struggling to find personal value in this condensed social media, please send help and meaning or banish it with fire.

For now, closing the door to the Twitter and keeping the fan on,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 24

Thursday, September 17, 2009


Dear God,
Do you believe in Kanye West? Did you think Taylor Swift's video was actually better than Beyonce's? The people of your planet are very critical of his manners.

Were the celebrities of biblical times this interesting, or has mankind upped the ante and really taken fame to an all new extreme low? If so - why are celebrities of today so irrational? Will the Lake of Fire be lit by tabloids and celebrity magazines?

Didn't watch the VMA's,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 24