cnn.com

Dear God,
Why is "Jon & Kate returns to TV" a more popular headline than "Iraqi kids get free wheelchairs?" Does this web module reflect that collectively as a society we find it more relevant that a celebrity birthing couple's television show is more important than disabled kids in Iraq getting proper care? Please don't hold this against us.

Completely unaware of this show until it was more popular than disabled Iraqi children,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 24

Signs of the Recession 1

Dear God,
Are we really in a recession? Do tough times call for brighter colors and cheaper cell phone plans? If so–can we always be in recession? Where has all the money gone? Is the earth's population growing faster than our presses can churn out dollar bills? Do you use Cricket wireless? Do the disciples? Angels? Does omnipotence void out wireless communication?

Do you have a plan for this?

Sexting,
Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

Guns

Dear God,
What is with the guns? Are we out of control with these things? While it's possible that we 'needed' to evolve our meat-hunting tactics, guns have gotten out of control. Do you carry a glock in Heaven? Does it matter? Does it not matter? Is paintball in heaven real war? Does violence exist at all up there?

Do you support sport shooting? Those really nerdy guys who claim to only shoot for the pure sport of blowing up a few clay targets and honing in their marksmanship–are they fooling us? Do they have ulterior motives by always carrying these guns in their car wherever they go?

Where do you draw the line on fighting to preserve personal freedoms?

Hoping you turn all bullets to chocolate,
Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

More Wholesome Than You Are

Dear God,
Do you buy organic produce? Did you create organic creatures? Did you create the pesticides to spray on non-organic produce? This system of purity is far too complicated. Yet the terminology is now bleeding over into christian spin-off marketing tactics. Was this your idea to nudge these people to hop on the 'organic-advertising-titlewave?'

While it feels acceptable that inspirational/relevant authors profit from their according works, riding a flash in the pan marketing scheme centered around the word 'organic' may be a bit low.

There's something nice about visualizing a Church body as a growing plant, but can we just leave it at that? The organic vs. non-organic merry-go-round can take place outside holy walls.

Lastly, was the Garden of Eden 'organic' in its purest of states? Was it tainted with pesticides by mankind? Is the term organic around now and stronger than ever just to taunt us and remind us of humankind's eternal mistakes?

Free range pesticide spraying,
Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

Segway

Dear God,
What is your moral stance on Segway personal transportation? Is this a blessing some of us are very apprehensive to embrace or a temptress in disguise?

While this technology may enable the less-physically-inclined to tour the holy land, it does raise question about your layout of our universe. When you gave human beings each a body did you factor in the rate at which we would harmoniously evolve capitalism and technology? Now looks what's happened. The satisfaction of a 10 minute walk is soon to be a thing of the past. Will you sound the trumpets then? Pull the plug?

What if we gave 10% of all Segway personal transportation device purchases to the church? Could that make up for a few early years of beta testing human laziness?

Perhaps we've not quite seen your vision for these divinely engineered robot unicycles just yet. Are you working in wonderful new ways to synchronize our development of technology and capitalistic intentions? These gyroscopic-2-wheeled-golden idols do share similar proportion to the size of a pulpit ... will street evangelism be blessed with an all new wave of hip & cool tactics? Can't wait for the version with touch-screen LCD New Testament, available AWD, and mobile communion kit available.

Thoroughly perplexed,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

Ice Jesus

Dear God,
Is there something we're missing here? What is the spiritual connection with your son and ice hockey? Where's the obsession? It can't be solely from the English translation of scripture and the metaphor of the 'save,' can it? Is Jesus the goalie of the Universe? Are you the coach? Are we all fans with heavy bets riding on the game?

Or is it just because sports are all the rage these days? Sports fans idolize their favorite players ... but God-fearing sports players project their idols into their favorite sports AS players? This is all very confusing for us. Again-why ice hockey?

Holding my hat,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

Chia Obama

Dear God,
What is your stance on Chia Pets? Proper use of human resources? Also, is it possible for you to tone it down on the political capitalism? Come on. Obama Chia Pet? Is this really something anybody should be free to own? I know late night television needs content to fill ad space but this can't be the best use of Chia technology. Can't we do a Chia resurrection? A Chia Garden of Eden?

Not watering Chia Obama anytime soon,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

Fast Food

Dear God,
What is your opinion on deep fried food? Why does something so detrimental to human health taste so comforting and wonderful? Would it be too easy to make vegetables taste like chilli cheese burritos? Is it enjoyable for you to plug arteries and plant heart attacks in buckets of KFC? Is this all an important part of humans learning self-discipline or a cruel form of almighty recreation?

Eyeing up Chipotle,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

Hope for Jesus

Dear God,
Is this really how you want to represent your firstborn? Seems like a sell-out in my humble opinion. Riding the coat tails of the Obama Administration to make a buck. Is christianity that hard up? If so–perhaps we could come up with something original for a change. If the only fashionable way to embrace a religion is through black-market-look-alike second rate knockoff t-shirts, Christianity is really missing the boat. There is some merit here that will not go unnoticed. The age-long discrepancies of Jesus' race are cleverly washed away into the colors of capitalism.

Wishing to see Shepard Fairey in a Jesus Obama shirt,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

Swine Flu

Dear God,
Is swine flu a repercussion of partying too much on spring break? Really perplexed. Have you found a carrier to get it back to the US yet? Was swine flu on the Arc with Noah, or did you craft it in your secret Jesus science lab deep in the fiery core of the earth? Did you invent swine flu to be the downfall of Twitter? 140 characters seems just enough for the average post modern intellectual to string together a witty jab and flood the internet with bad puns.

Hiding in the safe room,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

Fat Free Eucharists

Dear God,
Thank you for keeping up with the times and blessing our world with a revised version of your original eucharists. Can't emphasize how much of a sacrifice it was to woof down the prior version, .05g of fat and all. Will there be future advancements in the Christian diet? Could you create a 30 day meal plan one could order by mail via a series of compelling television ads?

.01g healthier,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

International Congress of Churches & Ministers

Dear God,
Is this really how intense you are?
Intense Intro Video to Website That Will Melt Your Soul

Honestly, had no idea. Lightning, twirling battle batons, columns, scepters!? Am I inquiring of spiritual engagement or trying to get to level 3 in spiritual pinball? Oh so intense. After watching this nearly 15 times my and wiping the blood from my eyes I'm thoroughly frightened of the International Congress of Churches & Ministers. Somehow the thought of so many followers aligned behind an epic movie thriller marketing plot really doesn't hold up that well.

Dreaming of lightning and James Earl Jones,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

Auto Industry Bailout

Dear God,
Is the government really going to save the auto industry? Is capitalism really panning out as we planned? Does this mean GM will stop supporting the Pontiac Aztek?

This is all both perplexing and irritating. Have auto industry CEOs evolved above commonfolk to a higher standard of pampered living? Will public transportation in the US ramp up and save the economy? What are we going to do with all of these people who are only able to assemble the Pontiac Aztek as their life skills?

Driving a Ford,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

Obamarama

Dear God,
What's the story on this? You've created an incessant buzz about change and the structuring of social classes, but is anything actually going to happen? Maybe we could stimulate the economy by upping the production of Obama labeled goods. He could even start a superstore similar to Wal-Mart and create jobs for millions of working class americans.

The real question here: did you make Obama supporters extra annoying or is my personality resistant to something good? Somehow Obama has become the Flaming Lips of politics. Annoying as hell because everyone else likes him now and won't shut up about it. Wisecrack after wisecrack the democrats have really gotten me on my toes to see what they're going to do in the spotlight. Direly curious to see what this "change" actually is, besides a surefire red-carpet to the Whitehouse.

Not getting my Obama tattoo yet,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 23

Floods

Dear God,

What's with all the flooding? Understandably it's that time of year when weather patterns shift, however tarnishing our manmade water diversion systems wasn't in the forecast. You're really messing some things up for people down here. Did you consider that when you let water flood over a major interstate highway in Wisconsin?

Was this a reaction to the state of the world? Did you cover that road to tell us to stop burning up so much gas? Maybe you should flood some power plants too if that's the case.

Either way - thanks for giving the human race the knowledge to create boats and flood insurance. We'll take it from here.

Perplexed,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 22

WNBA

Dear God,
Do you watch the WNBA? Bet it's a good test of your omniscient skill-set.

Indefinitely behind on WNBA statistics,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 22

Economic Stimulus

Dear God,
Can you still take the Bible Belt seriously? Sometimes 'impressive' is an understatement of what people are capable of in large like-minded groups. SafeHarbor real estate and development has set its sights on fabricating a "Bible-story theme park" in Rutherford county, Tennessee. Good idea to sensationalize Biblical history for primarily capitalistic intentions, right?

What's ever more insane about this proposition is how not cool they want to make it. 280 acre Story Park that will house recreations of important places and events in religious history for those un-willing to make the trek? Give me a break.
Was hoping for wordage such as 'Holy Water Coaster - Baptism after 450 ft vertical drop. Must be at least 4ft tall to ride. Rider will get wet." 1.5 million projected visitors per year sounds like biased focus groups.

Using my unlimited ride wristband on Spiritual Warfare Bumper Cars,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 22

Burberry Epidemic

Dear God.
Why are consumers still obsessed with the Burberry trademarked 'haymarket check' pattern? Are they aware that it's not a British produced product of war-caliber technology these days? Back when it was actually lining the raincoats of soldiers and the financially elite, Burberry held a strong market differentiator of waterproof breathable garments. Nowadays Burberry is manufactured in China, (where I'm sure they're monitoring their carbon credits, child labor hours, and above all mass production quality) yet somehow the folks at Burberry have still done a good job keeping mouths closed in their quest for a global monopoly of the neck-space of every slate gray wearing middle-class workaholic. Why is this the most popular scarf on the planet? Is this qualm resentful?

The big question is why have the folks at Burberry at least made a valid effort at disguising their short-fallings and not climbed aboard the project (RED) campaign? Who forgot to invite this $500-per-sweater-powerhouse to the feel-good party?

Secretly hoping for the everymans Burberry scarf genocide 2008,

Kyle in Wisconsin, Age 22

Fundamentalist Adventures

Dear God,
How do you feel about A.J. Jacobs and his literal quest to make plight of fundamentalism? Has this form of religious irony secured Jacobs a fast lane in the lake of fire? Isn't it great that we still embrace jesus as a caucasian coffee-drinker? Why do agnostics write books I actually want to read?

Not throwing Jacobs a kickboard just yet,

Kyle in Illinois, Age 22

Dirty America

Dear God,
Why didn't Pope Benedict XVI kiss the ground like the previous Pope when he landed in the US? Was it because he was greeted by president Bush? Did he smell the catholic souls-in-purgatory fertilizer used on the lawn? Why does the pope get a bullet-proof Mercedes? Do you wish that the popes Mercedes had gold-colored 20 inch wheels too?

Hoping the Pope refers to recent sex scandals in the catholic church as 'water under the bridge,'

Kyle in Illinois, Age 22